at the moment. . .

I would gladly post if only I had pictures to post instead of having to think of words to write that make sense and that might be of interest to you. but sadly enough I have no pictures from the events from today to show you, so I have to be kind and write something. then again, I really don't have to be kind but I am deciding that I should at least be a little nice to you. . .I hope that you are glad with my decision. . .?

at the moment:

-- I am quite tired and really just want to be able to sleep in at least a little bit, for even by 6:00 in the evening I am ready for bed, exhausted but not wanting to break down crying at the stupidest thing on earth only because I am tired. so really I should at least become a little more wise and go to bed earlier than I have been lately. . .

-- I am a bit chilly, and truthfully a mug of hot chocolate sounds rather delicious at the moment. and when I think about hot chocolate for some reason I go on thinking about a warm, cozy home that is in England during the winter season, and it sounds rather delightful to me. sitting by the fire maybe talking, and maybe listening to some Frank Sinatra. oh, how wonderful it sounds. maybe I shall actually do it some day, and then I would feel even more wonderful than I do now at the thought of it. . .

-- I am thinking about what my family is doing at home. and truthfully, I don't actually know what they are doing. so I guess I am actually thinking about what my family could be doing. and now my mind is going blank. what are they doing? I don't know, and I don't want to know either. because then I will want to be there doing what they are doing but it isn't quite possible because I am a little far away from them which really does make it difficult to do the thing that they are doing. . .

-- I am thinking about the day that has just passed. the 13th of August that is in the year of 2008. the day that is my birthday, the one where I have turned 13. I am thinking about it, and I can't really remember everything that we have done. it might take some time before I remember everything. so I think I shall stop thinking about it since I really have no purpose thinking about it. whatever. . .

-- I have decided that I am going to bed, for I am very tired and only wanting sleep to drift me away to a far away place, and maybe that far away place is home. my home. the home that I have always lived in. my home that has brought so many memories both happy and sad. my home that when I look at it it makes me quite happy inside. it's a wonderful feeling. I love it quite a lot. I am looking forward to it when I arrive home on Sunday the 17th of August. and now I am talking my head off. . .oh dear. what shall I do with myself I shall never know. but one thing I know is that I am going to go sleep for as long as I can, which isn't very long, but that is only a minor detail, correct? but anyways. . .goodnight everyone.

pictures.

these are from a New York City trip that we did in May of this year. . .

picture.

this is a picture of our baby doll while at the Bronx Zoo. . .



 

pictures

chubby hands playing a piano. . .



one of the prettiest people I know. . .



I "spied" on my sister and took pictures of her. . .



I took some pictures of her on the beach. what could be a better scenery for that?



one of the many pictures I took while at Beaver Camp. there were so many things that caught my eye. . .and this is one of them.

self portrait

Merrick and I. . .

this is one of my favorite self portraits. . .


 

strange.

this evening I was just sitting while my younger brother was playing with his nephew from California, and I couldn't help it but just wonder as to why they might enjoy such a way of playing. . .Jameson was locked (somehow, I'm not sure how) in a tent while his uncle, that is only nine years old, yelled very harshly all the sudden into the tent with a face that would have scared many I am sure. at this the nephew only laughed after being a bit frightened, then would only enjoy it over and over again.

isn't being scared what we don't want? if any of us have a somewhat scary dream, we all wish that it would be gone of our minds forever. and yet at some points when we are scared we only laugh at ourselves for even looking a bit frightened or maybe for some of us, at the little scream that might come out at the shock and excitement that just happened. and forever, it seems as if it might be a funny memory.

it is quite strange, I must say. . .

. . .

I've come to this site more than twice before this thinking that I should post, and really, I do try. but obviously the amount that I am trying isn't good enough for me.
I could write a whole paragraph, read through it, and get rid of it only because I don't like the way I placed some of the words. am I really this picky?

sometimes I like how the time can go by so fast. but right now I don't like it at all. already it is June, and tonight my older sister is graduating. is it really possible? can it already be this far into the year? I don't like this. I don't like it at all...

I say that time is going by fast, and then I think about my age. only 12. only turning 13 in a little less than two months. only 12, and the tallest girl in my family. when I think of this, I think that time is going by so slowly. but really, it
isn't at all...

I think about next year's graduation, when a bunch of my friends will graduate. yes, I know. they are how much older than me, and yet they are my friends. I don't get it either. the only happy thought about them graduating is that if we take pictures together, I will be in a graduation gown too only because I will have graduated from 8th grade. and then again, it isn't the happiest thought...


now I wish that life would go a bit slower...and I'm afraid that it won't.

back to reality.

at night when I turn the light out and the room is completely dark, I only wait for sleep to come and take me away. for once I hear the click of the switch for the lamp beside me, I can only think of the many things that I still have to do. they bother me so much right before I sleep, and that is why I enjoy this time. for I dream of wonderful things. where everything is perfect. where I have nothing to worry about. and even though the dream may be short, it is still quite wonderful.
but then. it stops. I hear other sounds in which I did not hear in the dream. and then, I realize. . .


I'm back in reality. . .